hartley hearts kensington

apparently tired of canvassing the neighborhood all day, former city councilman john hartley was arrested for urinating and rubbing one out in his car on the block behind my house. john, i know there's lots of attractive people in kensington, but you couldn't drive back to your home in normal heights before you started spanking?

i met john several years back when he was doing the same thing (canvassing, not seasoning his meat), and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. our friend across the street had just been canvassed by him a couple of hours before the arrest.

what's strange is, why pee into a cup? just go over to kensington coffee and take care of business. maybe he was just shaking the last few drips and that got mistaken for masturbation, but who knows. it's got to be humiliating, but look on the bright side: he's nailed the pervert vote in district 3.